I'm Leebee. I guess this post is partly an introduction post, but it's also mostly about agender identity and such. I realized a little over a year ago that I'm not a man, just a person. I have no gender and I am proud to be that way. I feel comfortable in my body.
but since that time, I've only told a few people about it. which is okay. I think for me it just has to do with feeling comfortable doing it. the thing is, I still tell people to call me he/his/him. or rather I don't tell them not to.
I'm not sure how I feel about those pronouns on their own but I've felt at times that if I did want people to call me by other pronouns I would feel like I'm burdening them by asking. if someone ever tells me that I'm a man I always tell them that I'm not, however.
at the same time, I feel like not telling people to call me by different pronouns feels... exploitative? I'm not sure how to describe it. I'm white and pretty conventionally masculine looking in appearance and style, and so I'm very privileged. I don't have to worry about being called out or hurt for who I am. and in that way it seems like if I'm not going by different pronouns, it feels like I'm hiding.
I just wanted to post here and find out if any other agender folks out there have had similar experiences as me or had any input. I really appreciate it.
Post by alternativepetrock on Aug 19, 2014 16:33:13 GMT -5
Yes. I feel like a burden too. Being Neutrois is difficult to ask people to accept, i feel like asking them to do so is asking waaaaay too much.
Although i'm a bio female. I dress more masculine and people often call me he. It bugs my parents but it bugs me for a different reason. I want to say "hey! Not a boy!" But then they'll say she. I dont want that either.
But it just doesnt seem fair to them to ask if they use 'they' instead. Like, they didnt sign up for that when they met me!
So yeah, i get how you feel. But i don't have a solution.
I have however, started referring to myself as 'they' when i recall funny stories. So maybe people will pick up on it? I tend to tell stories a lot....
I seem to be rather gender-fluid, but for the most part I identify as agender. I'm biologically female, but I tend to dress somewhat masculinely, at least in terms of colour choices. I get called he/him/his fairly often. That bothers me more than she/her/hers, honestly, because despite being fluid, I don't ever feel masculine. And when I get called feminine terms, I just smile and nod... It seems like I'm imposing on other people's values if I don't conform to the norm. Like I have an increased chance of getting fired from my job, or the government is going to gripe at me.
So I never correct anyone. I just let them call me whatever and hope it's not horribly offensive. And I know I shouldn't be like that. I should be comfortable in my title of address.
But, I guess on here, we can all do our best to address each other with the proper pronouns? What would you like us to use?
Hey I think I understand how you feel. Personally Would prefer people use non-gendered pronouns, but since I am biomale people still use he/him/his including my friends, because even with the few friends that know I am agender, I still have not been comfortable asking them to use different pronouns.
Post by philosowater on Aug 20, 2014 2:21:07 GMT -5
I never really felt like a burden, but I did notice that as soon as I started asking that people use different pronouns for me I felt very uncomfortable before meeting people, and very emotionally distraught after they used the pronouns that I wasn't accepting. For me, this was more uncomfortable than people using any particular pronoun that I didn't specify.
After that, I started accepting any pronouns, but I (as you do) correct people when they refer to me with a noun that is not correct / does not correspond with reality. My presentation is really all over the place, so people comment on that every now and again, but everything that I like, I like independent of my gender, so I say that as an explanation for why my presentation doesn't match their gender presentation preconceptions.
Basically, do things for you: don't force yourself to do things. I stopped caring about pronouns because I could, and because I wanted to: it worked for me. It's only a problem if you *are* hiding things, or if *you* are uncomfortable.
I am biologically female, and also look feminine, and will someimes dress feminine, I've never been mistaken for a man (though I'd really like to experience that one time). I also identify as agender (or in my terminology: I'm just a person). I really recognise myself in what you wrote.
I understand that sometimes it feels as if you're hiding, I had the same. My most important friends know about me, but for the rest I can't really be bothered. As long as people don't really treat me as a helpless female, I usually don't really mind that they call me 'she'.
Not sure if I'm making sense anymore, but what I'm trying to say is that the way I look at it: as long as it doesn't bother me it doesn't need to be corrected, because it's not always about what others would think of it (let them think I'm female if it makes them happy, as long as they don't bother me with prejudices and stereotypes and stuff), but rather about what is comfortable for me. If you don't want to make a fuss of it, then don't.
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened - Dr. Seuss
Sometimes those who make us laugh and forget our problems for a bit are the ones who suffer the most.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind - Bernard M. Baruch
Despite (probably) being agendered, I'm used to people calling me male, because I *am* male-bodied. For all of my life I've gotten used to being identified (and in turn, identifying others) based on sex, so to me it's not anything unusual.
blomdor: Hope everyone is well out there. Looks like AVEN's borked. Again.
Feb 20, 2019 0:32:20 GMT -5
kimmie: Yeah its been awhile. Even the start up site outside of the forum is down
Feb 20, 2019 0:36:49 GMT -5
firewallflower: The irony is that I wouldn't actually be on AVEN now if the site were functioning, but since it's down, I feel compelled to keep checking for any change. I should, however, go to bed—and will do so.
Feb 20, 2019 0:37:04 GMT -5
firewallflower: Keep calm and carry on and send good thoughts towards whatever tech people are working on this, I guess? And in the meantime, cake.
Feb 20, 2019 0:37:27 GMT -5
blomdor: Cake and good thoughts to you as well!
Feb 20, 2019 0:49:32 GMT -5